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99 Money Problems Solved with a $999.99 Giveaway

Stack of MoneyHow much do you like free money? More than ice cream with a cherry on top? For the rest of the month, you can enter this contest brought to you by structured settlements for your chance to win $999.99! Wow, that’s lots of nines and lots of dollars. If everyone had an extra $999.99 in savings or an emergency fund, you could avoid all 99 of these money problems, unless you are the most unlucky duck on the planet and they all happened at once.

99 Money Problems That Could Happen to Anyone

  1. You had to get an X-ray and emergency room visit after you fell dancing to Jay-Z’s 99 Problems.
  2. You used all of your sick days because your daughter had the flu.
  3. You caught the flu and had to miss another week of work.
  4. You got poked in the eye by a small child.
  5. You fell into the lake and caught hypothermia while ice fishing.
  6. Your cracked a tooth while eating peanut brittle.
  7. You hit a pole at the bank and your airbag deployed, breaking your nose.
  8. You needed a root canal.
  9. You almost cut off a finger while doing DIY.
  10. You fell off the roof while taking down Christmas decorations.
  11. You need new tires
  12. You have to replace a timing belt.
  13. You backed over the garage.
  14. A tree fell on your car.
  15. You hit an angry bird and shattered the windshield.
  16. Your insurance went up because you hit the angry bird.
  17. You got a speeding ticket because you were driving too fast when you hit the angry bird.
  18. Your heated seats caught fire.
  19. You weren’t paying attention and put diesel fuel in the car instead of regular unleaded.
  20. Your brakes went out.
  21. You had to replace the pole you hit at the bank.
  22. Someone broke out your driver’s side window to steal the change in the ashtray.
  23. You had to buy a bus pass because your car isn’t running after all the abuse you put it through.
  24. Your dog broke it’s toe.
  25. Your other dog blew out it’s knee.
  26. You brought home two puppies that are eating you out of house and home.
  27. Your cat has diabetes.
  28. Your dog chewed up your running shoes.
  29. You dropped your cell phone in the toilet.
  30. You left you cell phone in the pocket of your coat and washed it.
  31. You have a blue screen on your laptop.
  32. Your refrigerator died.
  33. Your stove died.
  34. Your washing machine died, right after it washed your cell phone.
  35. Your water heater leaked all over the kitchen floor.
  36. Your new puppies chewed up the carpet in your bedroom.
  37. You had to eat out for a week because you have no refrigerator or stove.
  38. You had a small electrical fire.
  39. You have to buy a new fire extinguisher because you just used the old one on the electrical fire.
  40. An angry bird (cousin to the one you ran over) flies through your kitchen window.
  41. You broke another window trying to hit the angry bird with a broom.
  42. Your freeloading brother showed up and ate all of your food.
  43. Your teenagers brought friends over, and they ate all of your food.
  44. Your husband invited over coworkers who ate all of your food.
  45. Your new puppies got into the pantry and ate all of your food.
  46. You had to get your carpets cleaned after the puppies threw up all of your food.
  47. Your toddler left the bathtub running upstairs and you didn’t notice until the ceiling started leaking.
  48. You had a water pipe leak, and your water bill was $999.99.
  49. Someone stole your work shoes from a gym locker.
  50. You tried to dye your hair at home, but turned it green, and you had to go to the salon to fix it.
  51. You spilled bleach on your only good suit.
  52. Your Mom was attacked by an angry bird and you have to buy emergency airfare to visit.
  53. You got an unexpected tax bill because your blog made so much money last year.
  54. You spent all your money on Girl Scout Cookies and have nothing left for groceries.
  55. Someone stole the bike you were riding because the bus pass ran out.
  56. Your new girlfriend won’t go out anymore until you have the I Luv Carmen Electra tatoo removed.
  57. Someone stole your patio furniture.
  58. Deer ate all of you new landscaping.
  59. Your lawn mower threw a rock through your front door.
  60. The lawn mower blade broke in half.
  61. You got a fine from your HOA because you didn’t mow your yard.
  62. Someone stole your lawn mower, right after you got the new blade.
  63. Your new sprinkler system line broke and created an unwanted pond.
  64. A firecracker caught your roof on fire.
  65. A horse ran through your fence.
  66. Your tenants became drunks and quit paying the rent. You have to cover until you can evict them.
  67. Your five year old outgrew all of her clothes overnight, and you had to buy more.
  68. You had to install a lightning rod on your house.
  69. Your paycheck bounced.
  70. Your sewer backed up in the basement.
  71. A tree root grew into your pipes.
  72. Your car broke down on vacation and you had to get it towed.
  73. You had to get a rental car while yours was getting fixed.
  74. You dropped your glasses in the lake.
  75. You flushed your last pair of contacts down the toilet.
  76. You wore your friend’s contacts and got an infection.
  77. You bought colored contacts at the flea market and got an infection.
  78. You burned your cornea with a curling iron.
  79. An icicle fell off the roof and scratched your eye.
  80. Your new puppy chewed up your glasses.
  81. You had to go to the chiropractor.
  82. You had termites and had to call the Orkin man.
  83. You had bedbugs and had to buy a new mattress and call the Orkin man.
  84. You found mice in your house and had to replace all of your baking supplies and  call the Orkin man.
  85. You had to stay in a motel for a week because they fumigated your house for the pests.
  86. You lost your keys and had to call a locksmith.
  87. You got tricked by a Nigerian money phishing scheme.
  88. You decided to elope after meeting your soul mate online.
  89. You found out your soul mate ran up your credit cards after you shared account numbers.
  90. You lost your mind and paid way too much for Beyonce concert tickets.
  91. You got beaten up by security after you threw a shoe at her for lip syncing.
  92. You lost a big bet on the Superbowl.
  93. You got tricked by that infomercial and are making 14 payments of only $19.99.
  94. You had to hire a lawyer to get your money back when your landlord stiffed you on the deposit.
  95. Your three year old used a permanent marker to decorate your living room.
  96. You caught the carpet on fire because your forgot the screen on the fireplace.
  97. You had to buy a generator because the power went off for a week.
  98. Someone stole your coat
  99. You blew your whole paycheck on Powerball and have to buy food.

I hope you never have any of these 99 problems, but having some cash on hand surely helps if you do. Let’s give a big thanks to Structured Settlement-Quotes for offering this giveaway. Good luck on winning $999.99!

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Can you guess which of the 99 problems I’ve actually had?

About Kim Parr

Kim Parr is a private practice optometrist, freelance writer, and personal financial blogger. You can follow her journey to 20/20 financial vision at Eyes on the Dollar.


  1. Some of those will actually cost more than $1,000. I heard a guy quipping in the gym about how much he lost on a Super Bowl bet. Let’s just say it was a sizable fraction of his take home pay. IMHO, 50/50 is still not good enough odds for me to gamble.

    • I’ve never understood the theory of gambling. I am too stingy with my money to gamble on much more than quarter slots once a year for about 20 minutes.

  2. That is SOME list!! Let’s hope that the winner can use the money for something more pleasant than most of the above 🙂

  3. Haha what a creative post! My favorite (because we just got a renter) is “Your tenants became drunks and quit paying the rent. You have to cover until you can evict them.”

  4. I like your 99 problems that could be fixed! I can relate to a lot of them. =)

  5. How on earth did you come up with this list?
    I enjoyed reading through each and every one and can say that almost none of them have ever affected me.

  6. You are too funny.
    “A tree root grew into your pipes” — yeah, that one stinks. I can verify. Testify!

    • Sadly, I have experienced that one. We have a huge elm tree at my office that has caused problems for year. Someday it will probably fall on the roof as well.

  7. Hilarious list, so many angry birds around! I have had more of those money problems that I want to admit. Including green hair but that was a dare.
    My rooster was chasing after the turkey this week and the turkey flew right to the house windows, that are thankfully only mosquito nets. It would have cause two money problems, a broken window and a turkey vet bill..

    • I bet you might be the only blogger out there with a potential turkey vet bill. Although I do have a very funny turkey injury story that was told to me by a patient once. I’ll have to email it to you sometime.

  8. The Nigerian Phishing scam sounds pretty bad. I know a guy who recently got scammed by these guys and they took him for $4000 dollars. Ouch! Anyways I love the 99 mistakes, great article.

    • Wow, that is horrible. It seems every couple of months our local paper has some article about someone who fell for one of those, usually an elderly person. Very sad.

  9. Are these the things that happened to you? 🙂 I’m sure I could come up with my own 99 list of things that cost me money which I wish didn’t. Thanks for the giveaway!

  10. HAha love this post and all of the different ways!

  11. Oh snap, you’re one of the only ones that I read that came up with a full 99 problems! I love the list; great work, Kim!!

    • I don’t know if that’s good or bad that I came up with so many problems, but I could come up with many more if I had some time.

  12. #95.Your three year old used a permanent marker to decorate your living room. I can relate to this, only it’s been crayons. On the entertainment center…sigh.

    These are great Kim! 🙂

    • Luckily our daughter only used a highlighter, which washed off. My nephew did decorate a pool table with permanent marker. It did not wash off.

  13. I have been seeing this giveaway but you are the first one that actually had 99 mistakes. Great (though not very fortunate) list.

  14. I’ve only ever had one X-Ray in my entire life. I don’t know how much it actually cost, because it was a worker’s comp issue (and nothing was broken, thankfully). But I have had a CT scan, and those suckers are expensive!

  15. Peanut brittle — that’s my guess. And the flu.

    • Nope, I don’t like peanut brittle and I’ve never actually had the flu. I have had to miss work with a sick kid, but I was the boss, so I didn’t get in trouble. I’ve had that happen to employees though. They have to take off for a sick child, then they get sick. There goes all the vacation and sick days. Bummer.

  16. Too funny – unless they’re all true. Then I’m sorry, very, very sorry. I wouldn’t turn down $999.99 but I’d like to put it towards fun things – like vacations, new shoes, a spa day and more new shoes – all guilt-free. 😀

  17. It’s not just Nigeria that phishing scams are coming from these days. The concept has been successfully exported as far abroad as bangladesh and kenya as well (if I had $1 for everytime some rich businessman has needed my bank account details to receive $10,000). I’m sure if he were that rich, there would be a nice, anonymous numbered bank account waiting for him in Switzerland 🙂

    • I am amazed at how many people fall for those scams, but I bet if my mom got something like that that seemed to come from me, she might be fall for it. I should tell her to always call if she gets any weird emails.

  18. I hope that not even a fraction of these actually happened to you! What a creative list of real possibilities. I wonder, though, do dogs really have toes?

    • Yes, that one actually happened to my dog, Mo. She had to wear a brace and wrap for a month. Didn’t cost $999, but was around $400.

  19. Had to laugh at number 26 :-). We one time narrowly avoided a carpet mishap b/c our TV remote control batteries went haywire and heated up to the point where they were melting the remote from the inside out (true story, this can happen on occasion. Check your remote for excessive heat, and keep them face down when you’re not in the room).

  20. Wow Kim. You went above and beyond listing all of these top notch money problems. I don’t even think I could have done 50. Nice work and glad to be co-hosting with you.

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